I don't know why.. I just have the urges to blog at the weirdest of times. Its 3.27 am now.. and I was just about to go to bed. But I don't know, so many things are in my mind right now. Isn't it weird, its school holidays but I feel there just so much more on my mind than during school.
I was on my bed, about to fall asleep, but I just could not stop thinking about the China mission trip, and about the sermon on Saturday. There was some relation that God wanted me to know about, but I just could not figure it out.
First let me talk about the China mission trip. We had a briefing on Saturday, and the cost has been raised from 700 to $1000. I havent told my mum yet. But she would not like it, because she already said 700 was a lil too expensive. I don't mind forking out 300 or more on my own, which leads me to another thing. I wanted to use this $300 for something for my birthday coming up soon.
And the next thing. Tell me to evangelise in English and i'll say "okay.. maybe when the opportunity arises." Tell me to evangelise in Chinese? "Oh great!" Its something I don't really see myself being able to do. But hey, anything is possible with God right? hah.(trying to be optimistic here!)
Money is not really the problem, although I really wanted to plan something using the 300+ for my birthday and all, but is what I achieve there that really counts. I don't wanna go there, and after the mission trip, just say "Oh, good experience, learn their culture, learn more chinese blabla". I wanna be like "Hey look how much I have grown and stepped out of my comfort zone!" What im trying to say is, I dont wanna go there and just merely TRY my best to evangelise in broken Chinese. I WANT to do it! I just feel so angry that the fact that my Chinese is bad that I cannot do things to my up most potential.
But I don't wanna back out of this trip. In this week's sermon Pastor Daniel said that God doesn't spoon feed you. He's like, here's your promise, come and claim it. "Come and claim it." This really speaks to me. I can't just me sitting here and nagging about my problems and my weaknesses, I have to step out of my comfort zone and claim that promise. I know it will not be easy. It really won't be. But I have to somehow throw aside this fear inside me about my weaknesses.
I asked God just now, "Should I go? Will it really be worth it? Seriously? China? Chinese? I thought after O levels I would never need to use chinese again!" Talk about a God full of surprises! haha! But I know deep inside that I have to go for this trip. I just know something will happen during the trip, I don't know exactly what it is, but I know something incredible will happen, but this layer of fear is stopping me achieving what God promised for me. I need to claim it. Maybe all it takes is just a leap of faith.
